Philips Wake-up Light Alarm Clock Hf3520/01 Coloured Sunrise Simulation £130 (Prices may vary) High street and online As Icarus flew too close to the sun leading to his demise, I too skirt around the fiery face of a burning star every morning…albeit an electronic sun in the form of a Philips Wake-up Light. Plus if I constructed wings, they wouldn’t be made of wax because I’m not ridiculous.  … Getting up in the morning can be an absolute pain in the soul as we all know, and if you’re one of t...

Mcdonald's McRib £5.46-ish Limited time availability I hear the gleeful screams of the townsfolk, the jovial cries from the town crier, and the excited heel-clicking quick talk from the street urchins. I see the signals in the sky, I can feel it in the waters, and I can hear it whispered in the winds by Saruman himself.  The McDonald’s McRib is back. I’ve never had one of these McRib sandwiches before as I don’t really keep my ear on the ground when it comes to Ronald’s fine eatery; but nati...

"Now this was shipped from America, so either the hair dryers over there have the same decibel level as a glass moon crashing into a cymbal factory, or Revlon has deceived me"

Revlon QuietPro Hairdryer £20-ish   As I return home from work one evening, a parcel lay at my doorstep. I open the door, scurry in, and shred the box open in wide-eyed excitement – I’m 9 again, and it’s Christmas… As I realised I hadn’t actually ordered anything, I see that it’s my other half’s new hair dryer – I’m 27 again, and I’m miserable… I glumly push the destroyed packaging and contents out of my reach when I see that it’s a hair dryer (another one) and on the box it tell me that it’s...

Chicken Cottage Most Highstreets The Restaurant: I was dragging myself to a connecting bus journey after a long and stressful day at work (where I hadn’t eaten lunch as I had too much important shit to do) when I chanced upon a fast food outlet as I struggled down the street, weighed down by the body-stopping hunger that writhed through me. Awesome! I thought as I stepped inside to be greeted by a warm, familiar, and almost spicy smell. Unfortunately, the queue for KFC was too big and there w...

Haribo Tangfastics £1.49 All supermarkets   Laying dormant in an eye shieldingly bright bag is a series of sugar coated shapes of tooth eroding, chemical explosions. Forget those normal Haribo sweets, these are for real men. Men who want to feel their teeth fizz for hours after consuming one, men who want to eat a nuclear explosion. Hell, the name itself is a warning – Tangfastics…Tang and fastics, together, as one. Watch out world, I’m gonna be doubled up and foaming at the mouth like a drug...

Sainsbury’s Tuna & Sweetcorn Pasta £2.00 Sainsbury's   I purchased this to lunch on during my break from work. Aesthetically, it looks as if it was cobbled together during an airstrike, while a prize fighter who’s too tired to try ham-fistedly punches the stickers on. Not a pleasing nor enticing look, at all. I chose this as a safe bet; I like tuna, I like pasta, I’m partial to sweetcorn. So all together, this should had been a fun time. It was not a fun time. My guesses are that the wheat i...

“Editors note: This is the first product that birthed The Arnold Review. Written on a phone and in a hurry.” The Product: This Original Source – Mint and Tea Tree Body Wash purchased by my girlfriend as a way of getting me to use shower gel by telling me, ‘it’ll make you big and strong like the Hulk!’ I later realise that this was a trick. I had been hoodwinked, although right now I’m as furious as the Hulk as this shower gel is burning my soul from the inside, out. The Experience:  I may a...

Pot Noodle – Chicken & Mushroom Flavour £1.00 All supermarkets   For those who’re not in the loop, Pot Noodle is exactly that… noodles in a pot. Similar to the instant noodles of Asian cuisine, you just add boiled water to the mix and gently weep that you can’t prepare a better meal. I peel back the textured foil that seals the goodness within and already I’m being given orders. [IMG_3575-e1416146479548-300x300.jpg] Not one for disobeying direct orders from sachets of sauce, I dutifully ‘t...