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01/05/2024

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Primark – Men’s Slippers

A Review in Fashion - 26/10/2015

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Primark – Men's fluffy slippers £4 Available in all Primark shops, probably Have you ever wanted to pad around your house with cats fastened to your feet but you’re too slow to catch those bastards? Well fret no more as for around a 10th the price of a catch alive cat trap, you can buy these Primark fluffy slippers – slippers that are designed for two things only: to keep your feet warm at home by being your indoor shoes, and to be completely forgettable when they’re on. These slippers get t...
Uncle Ben’s Rice Time (Sweet And Sour)

A Review in Cuisine - 05/10/2015

"Had it not been my apartment, I would’ve hurled that bowl of undying sorrow through a window"
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Uncle Ben's Rice Time (Sweet and Sour) £1.85 Available in most supermarkets   I’m buying groceries like every gentleman does, weaving around the shoe-dragging knuckleheads in my local Tesco Express as if I’m filming an escape scene from The Walking Dead when something catches my attention. Brightly packaged and placed directly in my eye line sat a row of Uncle Ben’s Rice Time pots; ‘Sweet & Sour’ the label read. I grabbed it ham-fistedly and snaked my way to the cashier whom I suspected was d...
Ultimate Wolf Simulator – IOS

A Review in Gaming - 13/07/2015

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Ultimate Wolf Simulator by Gluten Free Games £0.79p iOS & Android Have you ever woken up and decided ‘f*ck this, I wanna be a wolf!’ Well tough, you can’t. But you can pay actual money and buy this ultimate wolf simulator called Ultimate Wolf Simulator to fulfill your canine desires. On the app download screen, it tells me to, ‘experience the exciting life of one of the most intelligent and complex predators on planet Earth, the wild Wolf’. It also advised me that I should check out one of th...
Poundland – Hand Grabber

A Review in Toys - 14/04/2015

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Poundland - Hand Grabber (by Funtastic) £1.00 Highstreets of the United Kingdom For grabbing hands or a hand that grabs things, the Hand Grabber from Poundland is sure as shit not going to do any of that in a hurry. This bionic hand caught my attention from a distance when I bustled and heaved towards the toy section as the selection that surrounded it in the Jokes & Gags area wasn’t up to much; the usual fare of powdery Whoopee Cushions, black eye telescopes, disguised squirt guns, and other...
Philips Wake-Up Light Alarm Clock Hf3520/01

A Review in Technology - 31/01/2015

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Philips Wake-up Light Alarm Clock Hf3520/01 Coloured Sunrise Simulation £130 (Prices may vary) High street and online As Icarus flew too close to the sun leading to his demise, I too skirt around the fiery face of a burning star every morning…albeit an electronic sun in the form of a Philips Wake-up Light. Plus if I constructed wings, they wouldn’t be made of wax because I’m not ridiculous.  … Getting up in the morning can be an absolute pain in the soul as we all know, and if you’re one of t...
Mcdonald’s McRib

A Review in Cuisine - 09/01/2015

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Mcdonald's McRib £5.46-ish Limited time availability I hear the gleeful screams of the townsfolk, the jovial cries from the town crier, and the excited heel-clicking quick talk from the street urchins. I see the signals in the sky, I can feel it in the waters, and I can hear it whispered in the winds by Saruman himself.  The McDonald’s McRib is back. I’ve never had one of these McRib sandwiches before as I don’t really keep my ear on the ground when it comes to Ronald’s fine eatery; but nati...
Revlon QuietPro Hair Dryer

A Review in Technology - 23/11/2014

"Now this was shipped from America, so either the hair dryers over there have the same decibel level as a glass moon crashing into a cymbal factory, or Revlon has deceived me"
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Revlon QuietPro Hairdryer £20-ish   As I returned home from work one evening, a parcel lay at my doorstep. I open the door, scurry in, and shred the box open in wide-eyed excitement – I’m 9 again, and it’s Christmas… As I realised I hadn’t actually ordered anything, I see that it’s my other half’s new hair dryer – I’m 27 again, and I’m miserable… I glumly push the destroyed packaging and contents out of my reach when I see that it’s a hair dryer (another one) and on the box, it tells me that ...
Chicken Cottage

A Review in Cuisine - 06/11/2014

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Chicken Cottage Most Highstreets The Restaurant: I was dragging myself to a connecting bus journey after a long and stressful day at work (where I hadn’t eaten lunch as I had too much important shit to do) when I chanced upon a fast food outlet as I struggled down the street, weighed down by the body-stopping hunger that writhed through me. Awesome! I thought as I stepped inside to be greeted by a warm, familiar, and almost spicy smell. Unfortunately, the queue for KFC was too big and there w...
Haribo Tangfastics

A Review in Cuisine - 04/08/2014

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Haribo Tangfastics £1.49 All supermarkets   Laying dormant in an eye shieldingly bright bag is a series of sugar coated shapes of tooth eroding, chemical explosions. Forget those normal Haribo sweets, these are for real men. Men who want to feel their teeth fizz for hours after consuming one, men who want to eat a nuclear explosion. Hell, the name itself is a warning – Tangfastics…Tang and fastics, together, as one. Watch out world, I’m gonna be doubled up and foaming at the mouth like a drug...
Sainsbury’s Tuna & Sweetcorn Pasta

A Review in Cuisine - 01/08/2014

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Sainsbury’s Tuna & Sweetcorn Pasta £2.00 Sainsbury's   I purchased this to lunch on during my break from work. Aesthetically, it looks as if it was cobbled together during an airstrike, while a prize fighter who’s too tired to try ham-fistedly punches the stickers on. Not a pleasing nor enticing look, at all. I chose this as a safe bet; I like tuna, I like pasta, I’m partial to sweetcorn. So all together, this should had been a fun time. It was not a fun time. My guesses are that the wheat i...

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