Introducing Hi Widget (button at the bottom) where you can send me a message. Maybe I'll answer, maybe I wont. Who's to say!
01/05/2024

Hello

Subscribe

You'll get freshly baked reviews right into your inbox. Free delivery.

Marmite Breakfast Biscuits

A Review in Cuisine - 09/10/2022

"I'd never thought 'this is what they probably smell when they push open a sarcophagus' prior to opening these"
1
£2.80 Tesco Marmite. It can be the salty tar that bonds kings and paupers together in harmony or the unbreachable wall between love and hate. A savoury sludge that hits all the right notes like a seasoned jazz musician playing a solo straight from the heart...but that's only if you like jazz. For those that don't, it's the awful noise of some escaped mental patient slapping a piano like a wilding until the whitecoats burst through the door and capture them. During a trip to the 'big Tesco' ...
Pret - Pesto Salad

A Review in Cuisine - 17/06/2022

"Adding more grey to the flavour of grey"
1
£5.75 All good Pret locations After a mundane morning of slowly tapping on a laptop keyboard and calling it 'work', I had built up quite a monstrous appetite - one befitting of someone who really puts the hard graft in, and because of where the lifeless, blue-tinged, hospital-lit and cold boxed shit-of-a-room they call an office is located, only a Pret looms nearby ready to force people in looking for a quick lunch. I forwent my usual Pret fare of the posh cheese and pickle baguette thing a...
Urgot Bruncherie (Barcelona) - Madoughnut

A Review in Cuisine - 23/04/2022

"If cutting open a poached egg is like cutting open a baseball, you're probably in a place that sells tinned chicken"
9
€9.50 Barcelona Around a 23-minute walk away from the hustle and bustle of the tourist funnel that is Las Ramblas, Barcelona, sits a corner-cafe serving brunch to the locals. Luckily, it's too far away from the main areas, so any globetrotters that make it all that way are there for a reason and not just dropping in because there's a queue at Burger King. And speaking about dropping in, surely a party of three can drop into a hot brunch zone at peak brunch time on a Saturday without a reserv...
Casio G-Shock GA-2100 - "CasiOak"

A Review in Fashion - 09/04/2022

"Black on black on slate-black"
8
£99 Casio Store, Carnaby Street, London The latest in the lineup of the almost-indestructible G-shock range is the ruggedly handsome GA-2100, dubbed as the 'CasiOak' by watch aficionados due to its resemblance to the Audemars Piguet Royal Oak. And unlike the AP Royal Oak, you can launch this at the wall with tremendous power and the watch would be fine (anyone who'd like to challenge this with their own AP, let me know how that goes). For those of you who're unaware of Casio G-Shocks, you can...
Eti Gold - Caramel Chocolate

A Review in Cuisine - 01/03/2022

"Looking like one of King Midas' test touches, the Eti Gold bar hummed the air with a sense of false opulence not too dissimilar to the "look, we too can bump gums with the upper-class" products like Nescafe Gold and every other shit with 'gold' added to their line"
1
“Looking like one of King Midas' test touches, the Eti Gold bar hummed the air with a sense of false opulence not too dissimilar to the "look, we too can bump gums with the upper-class" products like Nescafe Gold and every other shit with 'gold' added to their line. Rose gold...there's another.” The hills of Istanbul steepen forever upwards. Cars parked wholly on the sidewalks surrounded by cats and dogs, and carts selling freshly-squeezed juice of pomegranate or orange. The roads are the o...
Neat Burger – Chik’n Burger

A Review in Cuisine - 28/12/2021

"All of the marketing material on the walls lovingly stated how much your meal saves a planet’s worth of water by not watering cows or some shit, and how plant-based living is the best ever or something. I dunno, I didn’t properly read any of it"
3
Neat Burger, London £8.99 - burger only (£1.50 for extra cheese) A while ago I decided to better myself and join the only elite club I’d ever be able to get into and became a vegetarian. Not quite the to the lofty heights of being a vegan card-holder as I’d rather inhale the takeoff blast from a rocket destined for deep space. The switch to ‘not being good enough to be a vegan’ was surprisingly easy considering I couldn’t class a meal as an actual meal unless it had some form of meaty protei...
Plant Kitchen – No Pork Streaky Bacon

A Review in Cuisine - 05/05/2021

1
Marks & Spencer £3 Vegetarians will tell you (usually when asked, not bleating on and on spoiling pure silence like vegans) that they made the switch to a plant-based lifestyle because they don’t want to be a part of the suffering of animals and the destruction planet and yada-yada. Yet they’ll snuffle about looking for a meat substitute that looks and tastes exactly like meat, and if their vegetarian burger doesn’t taste exactly like a meat burger they’ll throw it back on the plate and decl...
Melrose And Morgan – Mince Pies

A Review in Cuisine - 10/12/2020

"Along with the same ten Christmas songs on repeat and the burning cold of a misty London day, mince pies start their ascension from the depths of our collective memory to adorn every inch of prime retail-shelving estate"
2
£12.99 from Selfridges, London The Christmas season is upon us once again making us wonder where the hell the rest of the year went as we emerge from a second national lockdown, shielding our malnourished eyes from the dazzle of fairy lights and seasonal Xmas glitter – because if the birth of Christ himself has taught us anything, the man loved a party and loved his tinsel. Along with the same ten Christmas songs on repeat and the burning cold of a misty London day, mince pies start their as...
McDonald’s Signature Collection – The Classic

A Review in Cuisine - 31/07/2020

"The sensation I got was the same as tipping out the bulging contents of an airline sick bag into plastic bread and calling it lunch."
1
“£6.19 McDonald's Signature Collection - The Classic” After paying actual money to wipe down a table and stool dashed with stale Coke and push a small hill of previous diners’ trash out of the way,  I flipped open a box containing the new Signature Collection Classic burger from Mcdonald’s. Enough of the traditional Big Mac or Quarter Pounder, it was time to push the boat out into the silky sea of fine dining. Within, the objet de curiosité came packaged in a paper sleeve invoking ideas of ...
One Cut Of The Dead (2017)

A Review in Film - 19/02/2020

9
“2017 (Japan) Dir: Shinichiro Ueda Screenplay: Shinichiro Ueda” no spoilers I rolled my eyes at the idea of another zombie comedy movie being billed as the next Shaun of the Dead, but with the positive reviews this film was getting up and down the internet it had me curious. Shot in a few days and made on a meagre budget of $27,000 featuring an unknown cast plucked from acting workshops, Shinichiro Ueda’s absolute darling of a gem pulled in $25m at the Japan box office alone through a snow...

Search all