Pret - Pesto Salad

in Cuisine - 17/06/2022
£5.75
All good Pret locations

After a mundane morning of slowly tapping on a laptop keyboard and calling it 'work', I had built up quite a monstrous appetite - one befitting of someone who really puts the hard graft in, and because of where the lifeless, blue-tinged, hospital-lit and cold boxed shit-of-a-room they call an office is located, only a Pret looms nearby ready to force people in looking for a quick lunch.

I forwent my usual Pret fare of the posh cheese and pickle baguette thing as I thought to myself, 'I'm an incredibly well-travelled man of culture', and that a cheese sandwich is no longer going to match my jet-set super lifestyle. So, after scanning each row from left to right like a peckish typewriter, I settled on the Pesto Salad - a slightly-greasy cardboard house filled with an array of vegetarian wonderment.

Once I successfully managed to bury the fact I just spent £5.75 for something that looked like a boxed allotment, I lifted the lid and began to forage within.



Oh, how I had been hoodwinked again. The pasta tasted like eating crayons, but with even less flavour. Every mouthful of the stuff just slowed me down like incredibly tough gum being fed into a printing press, and that's if you can even get a fork-full of pasta after the initial one as the box was filled with salad leaves. It soon was the same as stabbing dropped pasta from an un-touched forest floor. The pepper had a slight zing to it, rather like muted earwax. Again, adding more grey to the flavour of grey.

There was also some weird KFC-tasting crunch atop an insanely flavourless blob of mozzarella which was an odd sensation. KFC chicken without that chicken texture, but just a sloppy gelatinous slab of nothingness that sorrowfully melts apart in your mouth, like the last words of a dying apology that was never said.

Phlegm coated with a soggy crunch


I left half of the meal and returned it to the earth where it probably should've remained as an idea.
1

I left half of the meal and returned it to the earth where it probably should've remained as an idea.