"If you thought this movie was anything deeper than a small puddle, then I have a bridge to sell you"

Wes Anderson's newest pastel palette attack film, 'Asteroid City', has finally been released to the delight of self-adulating film auteurs. Teeming with Anderson's actor mainstays and introducing fresh faces who deliver lines with the same rapid, deadpan expressions, 'Asteroid City' treads the familiar path of Anderson's previous movie, 'The French Dispatch', by being worse than his last and exceeds it by being more Wes Anderson than ever. The film chronicles a televised production of a play...

“2017 (Japan) Dir: Shinichiro Ueda Screenplay: Shinichiro Ueda” no spoilers I rolled my eyes at the idea of another zombie comedy movie being billed as the next Shaun of the Dead, but with the positive reviews this film was getting up and down the internet it had me curious. Shot in a few days and made on a meagre budget of $27,000 featuring an unknown cast plucked from acting workshops, Shinichiro Ueda’s absolute darling of a gem pulled in $25m at the Japan box office alone through a snow...

Dir: Chris Moukarbel As someone who wasn’t interested in Lady Gaga before watching this heartfelt documentary, I had even less interest in her afterwards as this was nothing more than a 1 hour and 40m advert for her next phase shift into an Amy Winehouse-esque vibe which could only ever appeal to her current fans. The long advert gives us glimpses of her private life and shows her gearing up for a huge show. Between these vaguely pointless snippets of the girl behind Gaga and chord progressio...

"After sitting through this soul crunchingly shit movie, I had to seek religion to find a point because nothing in my life made sense anymore"

Hitman: Agent 47 2015 Dir: Aleksander Bach Mild spoilers. But lets be real, you aren’t gonna watch it. Landing hot and fresh onto Netflix is the mind-meltingly shit Hitman: Agent 47, based on the popular and critically received video game series Hitman by IO Interactive; and as Hollywood loves to do with well-established source material, bone it completely through the window. Fans of the game, of which I am one, will know that the character of the Hitman is a cold and calculated man, oftenti...

"Jennifer Lawrence stellar acting ability wasn't enough to save this movie"

mother! 2017 Dir: Darren Aronofsky Spoiler free When I heard Darren Aronofsky was making a movie called ‘mother!’, I shuddered and immediately assumed he was remaking/borrowing scenes and ideas from another Asian movie, Mother because he likes to do that. Thankfully not. Instead he gives us a movie written and directed by his good self, one that left me scratching my head with the simple question, ‘why the hell did I sit through that garbage?’ This is just one of those vanilla movies where t...