With one review every two-or-so months, it little wonder that this place is falling apart due to the sheer speed these reviews hit. Introducing a fresh lick of paint, some behind-the-scenes improvements, and an up-coming features sections
Meatless Farm - Chickenless Roast
"It just tasted of, according to my notes at the time, 'eating the wrong air', which I can only unfold to be that it felt like something was really not right"
Chado Tea Shop - Avo Toast & Istanbul No. 2 tea
"Looking like a small lost surfboard returning to shore along with the treasures and plantation of Atlantis placed atop"
Aga Hamami - Turkish Hammam
A Review in Things to do - 19/12/2022
"After the initial scrub, cold water was thrown on me which felt amazingly renewing - possibly the only time I've enjoyed having cold water thrown on me without warning"
Arada Beyrut Cafe - Istanbul
"I had already lost my mind about the potential food combinations I could create. Cheese with honey? I am Greek royalty. Tomatoes dusted with exotic spices? I am a Mediterainnian millionaire. A doughnut with my coffee? I am an uncouth American. "
Marmite Breakfast Biscuits
"I'd never thought 'this is what they probably smell when they push open a sarcophagus' prior to opening these"
Pret - Pesto Salad
"Adding more grey to the flavour of grey"
Urgot Bruncherie (Barcelona) - Madoughnut
"If cutting open a poached egg is like cutting open a baseball, you're probably in a place that sells tinned chicken"
Casio G-Shock GA-2100 - "CasiOak"
"Black on black on slate-black"
Eti Gold - Caramel Chocolate
"Looking like one of King Midas' test touches, the Eti Gold bar hummed the air with a sense of false opulence not too dissimilar to the "look, we too can bump gums with the upper-class" products like Nescafe Gold and every other shit with 'gold' added to their line"
Neat Burger – Chik’n Burger
"All of the marketing material on the walls lovingly stated how much your meal saves a planet’s worth of water by not watering cows or some shit, and how plant-based living is the best ever or something. I dunno, I didn’t properly read any of it"