Dir: Chris Moukarbel As someone who wasn’t interested in Lady Gaga before watching this heartfelt documentary, I had even less interest in her afterwards as this was nothing more than a 1 hour and 40m advert for her next phase shift into an Amy Winehouse-esque vibe which could only ever appeal to her current fans. The long advert gives us glimpses of her private life and shows her gearing up for a huge show. Between these vaguely pointless snippets of the girl behind Gaga and chord progressio...

"After sitting through this soul crunchingly shit movie, I had to seek religion to find a point because nothing in my life made sense anymore"

Hitman: Agent 47 2015 Dir: Aleksander Bach Mild spoilers. But lets be real, you aren’t gonna watch it. Landing hot and fresh onto Netflix is the mind-meltingly shit Hitman: Agent 47, based on the popular and critically received video game series Hitman by IO Interactive; and as Hollywood loves to do with well established source material, bone it completely through the window. Fans of the game, of which I am one, will know that the character of the Hitman is a cold and calculated man, often t...

"Jennifer Lawrence stellar acting ability wasn't enough to save this movie"

mother! 2017 Dir: Darren Aronofsky Spoiler free When I heard Darren Aronofsky was making a movie called ‘mother!’, I shuddered and immediately assumed he was remaking/borrowing scenes and ideas from another Asian movie, Mother because he likes to do that. Thankfully not. Instead he gives us a movie written and directed by his good self, one that left me scratching my head with the simple question, ‘why the hell did I sit through that garbage?’ This is just one of those vanilla movies where t...

£20-ish Gatwick Airport, London Jamie Oliver is a byword for healthy eating and those 15 minute meal shows he has on TV which only ever use that one single song over and over again. So why was it that I just had a plate of pure human shit at one of his franchised restaurants? For the princely sum of £14.50, you can get a burger and fries of which you’d expect it to be fucking amazing considering it’s A: from a chain that Jamie bloody Oliver stuck his name on, and B: a stupid amount to pay f...

£11-12ish Dirty Burger and Chicken Shop (takeaway) A new eatery just opened up in my neighborhood and instead of taking the risk of going there to be wholly disappointed in a foreign atmosphere, I decided on using a popular application to order a meal and have it delivered nice and soggy to my front door to be disappointed in the comfort of my own home. 30 minutes or so after digitally paying a kings ransom for a simple chicken burger meal it had arrived, as expected, nice and soggy. I won’...

£2.50-ish All good supermarkets After cupboards full of grainy, earthy type, paper-bagged cereals taking up precious room and making me look like a farmer who possibly gives a shit, I decided that it was about high time for a proper, nutritious breakfast. Something with bags of sugar so I can run amok for an hour afterwards and then slump in a corner, crashed out and useless for the rest of the day. So during my irregular trips to Tesco, I stopped and scanned the colourful part of the cerea...

15 Euros (Online booking price) Sagrada Família, Barcelona Jutting out of the Spanish sky like a blind child’s attempt at a lego and popsicle stick tower covered in melted wax is the famed Sagrada Família. Located in Barcelona the Basílica i Temple Expiatori de la Sagrada Família Templo Expiatorio de la Sagrada Familia Basilica and Expiatory Church of the Holy Family is a masterpiece in biting off more than you can chew. Still incomplete and with cranes stationed around, presumably for show ...

Usual price for this area La Taperia - (El Nacional), Barcelona   Finding myself tired, worn-out, and in Barcelona, I decided that it was high time for dinner and after hearing reports of a one roof multi-restaurant bonanza, I just had to go. Located in the heart of the city, the fancy building boasts four restaurants and four bars to coax tourists and locals alike for the title of the city’s best hangout spot. [La-Taperia-El-Nacional-1-1170x780.jpg] Upon entering the establishment, you’re ...

"After a few business meetings around the Union Square area, The Coffee Shop drew us in with it's Siren cries to break fast"

$14.00 The Coffee Shop, Union Square, NYC Found yourself in New York during a cold ass day? Dreaming of the sunkissed beaches of Malibu? Well keep dreaming buster, and while you dream why not pop into The Coffee Shop in Union Square NYC for a California Wrap? Because it’s shit…that’s why. After a few business meetings around the Union Square area, The Coffee Shop drew us in with it’s Siren cries to break fast. We were greeted by your straight-outta-the-movies waitress complete with a disinte...

"As my eyes melted down my face I thought here is no way that anyone could ever enjoy having their face totally blasted off from the inside out via blistering heat"

£6.00 Café Caribbean, Old Spitalfields Market, London The other day I sat across a room and watched a friend of mine, Tom H, slowly morph from a man into a screaming fangirl over Jerk Chicken from a place called Café Caribbean. “Are you good with spicy food?” he asked. “No,” I responded, rather worried at the prospect of slowly shutting down internally due to fire damage. He proceeded to tell me that as the establishment was a small one, the spice levels in their cuisine varies from day to ...