Cuisine

Starbucks – Caramel Apple Spice

in Cuisine - 26/02/2017

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$3.80 Everywhere, NYC One of the best things about globetrotting is popping into familiar establishments and discovering the weird and different shit they have for that region. For example in South East Asia, McDonald’s have the McSpaghetti meal which is basically slop for when you’re so hungover, your mind and body are residing on different planes of reality. Where I’m from, we get the McViolence, McDrugDeal, and the family favorite, McUnprovokedAcidAttack. Anyway, this review is about Sta...
Burger King – Bacon Cheese Chicken Royale

in Cuisine - 15/12/2016

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£5.29 Burger King I arrived back in London after popping out for super important business meetings and I found myself to be rather peckish. Unluckily for me, the only place I could sit down in at Marylebone Station was a piece of shit Burger King hole-in-the-wall with some greasy seats inside amongst the piles of trash and garden furniture outside, located in a wintery wind tunnel. After ordering the Bacon Cheese Chicken Royale and staring in awe at the stuck up bitch next to me, I braced my...
Starbucks – Christmas Coffee Selection

in Cuisine - 06/12/2016

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Ho ho ho, every writer’s shared office space has released their Christmas selection of warm, sugar drinks. I visited a few Starbucks locations around London and sampled their festive latte selection. I’ve yet to try their yuletide hot chocolate offerings as I’d prefer to leave Starbucks not only feeling sick, but to have a shot of coffee for when the sugar crash kicks in. Gingerbread Latte According to my brief notes on this cold-staving drink, the Gingerbread Latte tasted like a slightly bit...
KFC – Original Recipe Stacker

in Cuisine - 19/10/2016

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KFC - Original Recipe Stacker £4.99 KFC Establishments After 20 grueling minutes at the gym where I pay through the nose to be in a sweat-heavy room breathing in other people’s maddening effluvia as they grunt and heave weights about thinking they’ll wake up in the morning looking like Jean Claude Van Damme in Kickboxer, I found myself to be in a slight dire need of sustenance. Luckily for the company that owns the chain of gyms, there’s a KFC just over the road. I push the disarmingly cheap ...
Starbucks – Pumpkin Spice Latte

in Cuisine - 18/10/2016

"There are cheaper ways to get a rushing buzz to the head, but you'll probably end up in jail"
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Starbucks - Pumpkin Spice Latte £3.25 (yeah...I know) Available seasonally in Starbucks It’s that time of the year when the western world comically commercialises the day of the dead by dressing up in bin bags, force sweets from old people, and murder one another as people clap thinking it’s a Halloween show. And with this cheap madness comes the not-at-all cheap Pumpkin Spice Latte from every writer’s favorite office space, Starbucks. Having my Twitter feed explode with everyone going mental...
Chupa Chups – Mini Candy Pizza

in Cuisine - 25/09/2016

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I love candy and I love pizza. So a pizza constructed out of candy should, in theory, blow my mind to fragments only for it reconstruct itself but within a new universe formed of nothing but ecstasy. Oh how wrong I was. The warhammer of disappointment swung high and heavy before crushing me out of existence; and so I find myself writing an entry to my site. The little pizza boxes stood out from the crowd of regular packaged sweets and candies hanging on the wall, but only to lure suckers like...
Colin The Caterpillar Cake

in Cuisine - 11/07/2016

10
Colin the Caterpillar Cake £7 Marks & Spencer “*Winner of the first Arnold Review Perfect 10 score*” I’m not a religious man, but holy shit, if this isn’t the closest to Heaven on Earth there is, then I don’t know nor care what is. If you’re not six years old, or have been living under a rock or an oppressive regime for the past handful of decades, then let me introduce you to Marks and Spencer’s Colin the Caterpillar Cake; a slab of the sweetest sensory delight that human kind can never t...
Harry Morgan

in Cuisine - 26/05/2016

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Harry Morgan - Restaurant & Delicatessen St. John's Wood, London A bank holiday stroll down the delightfully average St. John’s Wood high street lead me to set my heart upon the supposedly famous Harry Morgan restaurant upon falling for the siren cries of my hungry stomach. An American diner styled eatery located towards the end of a really boring main street for a really boring part of London. I opened the door and set foot into the last days on Earth. If I were blind, I’d have thought that ...
Mug Shot

in Cuisine - 05/11/2015

"It's like rehydrated powdered vomit, but not as nice"
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Mug Shot by Symington's £0.60p All supermarkets, probably   After my awful time with Pot Noodle, I thought it not fair to tar every instant noodle dish with the same disgusting brush. So during a trip to my local Tesco’s, this particular Mug Shot burned deep into my retina with it’s orange packaging, surrounding itself in a haze sent from the gods above. Once home and using your standard modern cooking tools – a kettle – I ripped open the packet and was immediately punched in the face with th...
Uncle Ben’s Rice Time (Sweet And Sour)

in Cuisine - 05/10/2015

"Had it not been my apartment, I would’ve hurled that bowl of undying sorrow through a window"
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Uncle Ben's Rice Time (Sweet and Sour) £1.85 Available in most supermarkets   I’m buying groceries like every gentleman does, weaving around the shoe dragging knuckleheads in my local Tesco Express as if I’m filming an escape scene from The Walking Dead when something catches my attention. Brightly packaged and placed directly in my eye line sat a row of Uncle Ben’s Rice Time pots; ‘Sweet & Sour’ the label read. I grabbed it ham-fistedly and snaked my way to the cashier whom I suspected was d...