With Elon Musk recently warning the human race about the impending doom of our species due to the unregulated rise of Artificial Intelligence, I thought I’d better bloody learn a thing or two about it to hopefully become an ambassador of sorts so as not to be chained to a wall and punched in the tummy day in and day out by our metal overlords.
My research led me to this guy who has taken my idea of self-preservation to the next logical step (the robot overlords would love logical thinking like this) and created a music video featuring his kids as an ace-in-the-sleeve when the inevitable happens.
Friendliest Friends is a sickly pastel themed Youtube channel much as you might expect from a man unashamedly capitalizing off of his children by the way of forcing them into stupid vlogs and stupid songs.
A quick glimpse into the videos uploaded to the channel shows a grid of brightly coloured thumbnails of the children with most of the titles IN CAPITALS TO SHOW HOW EXCITED WE ARE!!! Prank videos featuring the kids, super hilarious challenges, and day-to-day boasting from the puppet master via the little ones.
I had a brief skim through some of the comment sections to see they types of people who’re clocking up the hundreds of thousands of views.
One comment read, “Can I book u for this weekend to do my makeup” (no question mark, but let’s assume it is) on a vlog where the tiny daughter is getting ready for the day. If this woman wants a child to paint makeup all over her, she should really look at getting a new face. Yes, I know she’s not serious but the amount of praise these kids are getting are heroically disproportionate to what they’re actually achieving…look into that about my childhood as you will.
On to the song
i just, i just
wanna be a robot,
Right off the bat I wanted to tear my soul out as the shrill sounds of someone trying their best warbles out the main hook of this awful, awful Youtube-advertising-money cash grab; then the dad makes a stupid-faced appearance making me want to spoon out my eyes and put them in a bag of sand. Notice how the kid on the right knows damn well that all this utterly embarrassing shit that they’re forced to do is going to haunt him to his dying breath.
The father goes on ‘dad rapping’ his way throughout the verse mentioning servers, harddives, toasters, and fridges, all of which are absolutely not robots. Below is a robot, and I think he’d be in for a quite a shock once his wish comes true and he wakes up as an arm making a fucking SEAT Leon.
As the song progressed, my lifespan shortened dramatically as the cancerous way this guy is making money from his not-interested children was making my brain throb itself into an irreparable state. Towards the end of the song the dad keeps saying he’s a robot while a female singer is repeating ‘robot, robot’ over and over to the point there the word means nothing to me anymore. If he really is a robot, he needs to crank up his moral code dial all the way up from zero.
Papa tinfoil then goes on to give us some information by saying that 1 0 1 0 1 0 0 is how to say ‘hello’ in robot. Now ‘robot’ isn’t a language that exists (to my knowledge) so I deduced that he meant binary – the core language of computers.
He mentions earlier in the song that;
Binery is key and its not just me
Notice ‘binery’ and not binary. In fact, the lyrics included in the description of the video is full of errors and spelling mistakes which is another reason why I hate this faker.
A quick Google search told me that 01101000 01100101 01101100 01101100 01101111 is ‘hello’ in binary. Maybe not quite as snappy for a song, but it leads me to believe that this clown is trying to fuck over his viewership when the army of metal men steamroll the human race by spreading false information, or more likely that this guy it a complete idiot.
Who knows, maybe ‘Binery’ is actually a robot language and this guy has done more research into the future of robotics than I? Then again, he’s too preoccupied with profiting from his children, not learning how to correctly type his own stupid lyrics out, and dressing up in cardboard boxes thinking he’ll fit right in at Skynet.