Dyson Supersonic Hair Dryer£299.99
Can you imagine a world where deadly turbines are no longer easily accessible? A world where aviation fuel handlers won’t get sucked into jet engines when refuelling, but instead pass straight through while quite often laughing with glee? Welcome to the future world of Dyson.
I’ve already done a review on a hair dryer that purported to be ‘50% quieter’ than the next leading brand, when in fact it was 2% louder (or some shit, I can’t remember – have a read though). That complete lie of a product put me off reviewing hair dryers ever again, but when one comes along than you can thread a chain through the main tube and wear it as a badass necklace, well…I had to see for myself.
Forged out of alloys only known to elven blacksmith scholars, the device is surprisingly light and robust as a blunt weapon or an ineffective hammer, but that’s besides the point as this sexy thing conjures up pushed air through a hollow tube! Radical! The force in which the air is blasted out through the magic tube is a mighty gust indeed, more so than the selection of branded hair dryers I found about the apartment to test with.
All of this is powered with Dyson’s digital (but actually physical) motor V9 located in the very bottom of the handle for a purely balanced hair-blowing session. The handle itself is of a good size, but if you’ve hands the size of medium leather sofas, you’ll run the risk of covering up the motor’s air intakes causing it to probably explode to pieces. The tiny turbine has an almost instant stop when turned off; no more will you have to endure the winding down sound akin of a rusty intergalactic space frigate powering down while being pelted with boulders and glass marbles. Hit that off button, and this mother effer is off. Quick as that.
Attachments are popped on via magnets which connect with a satisfying click and as they’re not imprisoned in grooves, all your overpriced attachments and accessories can rotate freely to which ever angle your heart cries out for. Thankfully, the Supersonic comes with various bits and bobs as judging by the insane pricing for this product, a new diffuser would cost that of an average hedge fund banker’s annual salary.
Apparently, the air blasted out by this wind tunnel has enchanted properties that helps prevents heat damage and protects your hair’s natural shine. As I’ve only used this product to quickly blast my face off and then spent a long time firing things through like an underpowered Nerf gun, I can’t verify these claims. So instead of research, I have instead been loading strips of ripped paper into the firing cylinder and booting her up, giggling with the purest form of childish pleasure as confetti rained down upon my floor. You might have seen these videos of guys filling hair dryers with talcum powder to prove their dominance over their female counterparts and underlining their top shelf pranking abilities, but you could quite possibly fill one of these with railroad spikes and have a bigger YouTube hit. Anyway, as for hair quality, I don’t know. It’s probably fine.
Finish wise, the full metal buttons deliver an expensive sensation when pressed and everything fits together perfectly. Nothing feels cobbled together then heat blasted so they melt in place like most shit these days. Then again, when you’re dropping £299.99 on a bloody hair dryer, you expect a decent level of craftsmanship.
All in all, I was honestly pleasantly surprised when I picked it up and gave it a go. Full to the brim with microprocessors and heat sensors that assess the situation around 20 times a second so that it doesn’t spit fire like an enraged cannon, along with a vibration reduction mount that encases the powerful motor to stop your arm being shaken to dust, the technology used in this small package to make your hair dry, before the inevitable London rain fucks it all up again, is staggering. I tip my hat to you, Mr. Dyson. Next, I’m expecting a bottomless coffee cup where the liquid is held in place by a force field of warm air created by a small version of this motor in the ceramic handle.
Looking through the hole and turning it on literally blows away your expectations as a silent roar of robotically heated air dries out your eyeballs almost immediately. A very well made and novel way to dry your hair and blow a few zeros off of your bank balance.